It was a routine. Going to school, rush home for lunch and came out for night study right after a short 30 min break. Well, now I actually know what did my sis experiences are like. Well, must be wondering, why title: day of dissapointment? Actually, not much happened. But the impact was quite big (call me sensitive though). In Art lesson, Mr.Saz told us that at the current standard, there are going to be a lot of grade Cs and Bs. And the highest is mostly likely to be B4, I was like WTF~ I was planning to get Art an A2, Because only art is able to replace my grades for my Mother tongue! Dammit. Not only that which had saddened me and dropped my confidence level. There is more to it than just that, there is more things that happened to me which made a low self-esteem. I'll name one, everyday, as you guys know, I'm sitting at the back with Evan. Well, its not what your thinking now. Evan actually studied all the time and its kinda presurrising to see him study and then later close the book and shout out loud: OKAY, I'M DONE MEMORISING. TEST ME. And I did test him. HE REMEBERED EVERYTHING! At that point of time, I don't think I'm able to catch up with him anymore, because he had started way before now, I think he started like 2 months ago and he had 'mastered' Chemistry.
The feeling when your trying to study but you can't because you have a head ache, tired, stress, is very fucked up. It's undescribable (don't even know if I spelled it correctly or not), only people who are in this state right now knows what it's like. Man. After bottling all these feelings up, the stress, the pressure, the tiredness, sometimes I just feel like breaking down. But one thought that I always keep in mind is 'There are always people who are having MUCH MORE problems then me, compared to YOUR situation, it's nothing.'. Yeah, and it helps a lot. This is not the end actually.

::My Life::

It just feels like your being controlled, strings tied to your hand, and every single join that is neccessary for you to move is tied to a string. And who are manoeuvring? Most of it happens in school. Well, basically after school, some want to accompany friends, some wants to go home..[NOT reffering to Nelly!]
For example, I hang out with 'him'. We would always walk to the third bus stop or maybe walk home.. Often would be hanging out to eat before going home.. I don't mind those things actually. But the problem is, I have NO time because its kind of a rush for time and my house isn't near okay! Some friends just don't understand, some friends just wants it their way all the time. And when you don't do it their way, it's like going to be a cold war with almost the hold school. You would get lesser people coming towards you to talk, lesser people by your side, lesser people as your accompanion. Well I can't just say he did it on purpose to drag your closest buddies to his sides but it's kinda obvious. Ask other people who had experience war with him man! Provided if you know who is he.(don't want to mention name)

Well, when I get home, I'd like to rest, maybe play a match or 2 in Dota. But the first word that drills through my ears is: sleep early. It''s like COMMON man! Just got through a sick shit of school day, finally I'm able to distress myself and you want me to sleep? Btw, my bedtime's 11pm, and I normally reach home around 10+pm, so its like very less timing for me to enjoy myself you see.

And about today, man.. Managing friends are a real trouble man! What I meant was I don't know how to manage them to let them get along with each other. A doesn't like E, E does'nt like L, L doesn't like E as well, A doesn't like L as well. YOU SEE! **** right! Was looking forward to a flashmob today, but everyone doesn't seem to be in the mood. So we only did one, and it was very short. And btw, A won't do Flashmob when E is around. And I'd like A to be around cuz his very fun to be with and enthu as well! It's like we'd do it anytime anywhere. But E isn't that people, his a lil against Flashmob. Ah, I thought E would be around for today only, but tmr he would be too. So I guess tmr it would be the same thing. No one doing, boring day. Just feeling like hitting the hay now.

-Good boy> good life? Don't think so.-

Labels: Sometimes I wish I was in TV so I could fast forward the crucial pain of suffering.