I wanted to give up writing a blog, everyday got to update.. Even if there's nothing to talk about.
I don't want to bore you guys with my mundane routine. Cuz you guys are already experiencing it. So what for right?
I didn't think of writing an entry to this blog for quite sometime.. Even though I had something going on.
But sometimes.. Things have to spill cuz its too full. I need a listening ear. There has been quite much going on.
I can't get it off my chest. I don't want it to stick on me. And that is why.. I'm writing an entry post now.
People say.. if this side is bad, look on the other side. The grass is always cleaner on the other side..
Well, in my case. I don't feel this way. Both sides are messed. In fact, not only 2 sides. I have more than that. More than 2 problems to solve with.
***For years:
What I can't get off my chest is that. I always feel that I'm a little different from other guys. But don't get me wrong. I go crazy over girls alright! Its just that.. I don't like soccer, basketball.. Just those outdoor sports. And, I express my feelings differently. Common. I just need someone to understand, I'm living with 2 sisters. All I look up too was my sister, or should I say.. All I CAN look up to was a girl as a role model. So, sometimes my action tend to be misleading. I receive insults and hurtful comments. Í noted these things even though I told my other friends that I ignore and I don't take it seriously at all. Because I don't want them to stand up for me, getting both parties in trouble. Ending up, no one benefits anything. Whats the point of fighting.. Right? Back to the the title.. I'm more sensitive than other guys I guess? I reflect more? And I don't fight back. Thats unlikely a guy you might say. Because I don't want to make it into a bigger matter. I just hate getting into trouble you know.. Thats why you don't see me scolding vulgarities at people or punch a stranger even when he physically tries to irritate me or get attention.
***Friends:
Not the main one.. Maybe you can say, the second issue? Let me start off with this sentence: Its sucks to be alright when your friend is not. This is shit. Nothing I could do.. And end with a friend whom you have been with 5 years. Knowing your weak and strong points. Biggest mistake of my life to share all my things with him? Sometimes I feel I'm being toyed with and teased at. And I call them friends. Pathetic much? He knows my weak points. Literally proving that he's studying and saying stuff that he knows I haven't learn before. It really stresses me out (and he knows that), he don't just do it for a couple of minutes.. He did it for a good 2 periods till time's up. And he'll look at me. When I'm studying, he'll probably distract me or get me caught up into a conversation and distract me from what I initially wanted to do [which was to study]. I know this whole things kinda boring. I don't want to bore you with my grandpa story. So I'll cut the story short. After all these things, I still call them friends. I forgive him when he talks to me just because he make me laugh. He knows me well enough I must say.
***Personal Problem:
Lately, I've reallised I don't laugh much nor do I cry at all, even if I wanted too, I couldn't. When I watch comedy show, I'd just smile, but my mind literally is laughing. But of course, horny jokes trigger my laughter. I don't laugh, I don't cry, I seldom smile, I look down floor, I don't look at people anymore, I get weird stares and often paranoid when it happens. I'm like a total douch, changed person, person to bore with. This sucks so much. This isn't me. I don't want to be an emo kiddo. I'm afraid that it might happen. Ending living alone, eating alone, studying alone, going out alone, doing chores alone. The worst part, no one to be your listening ear.. Cuz everyone knows that I'm bored. Stupid old topic...
***Parents:
Parents getting old, age catching up on them. Problems arise.. No doubt they'll complain. Knees, ankle, back, head.. Money issues
Money problems.. O levels.. Education.. Assignments.. Deadlines..
***Aside:
Aside from all these issues that I'm dealing with. Got to think of O levels.. Examinations.. Term after term has an upcoming one. A never ending pressurised year. A short year I must say.. Its short because you don't have the time to reallise that time is passing cuz your too busy working hard. Its short only if you think that way. Exams.. Let me go into detail. Coping with all subjects. English comprehension questions.. I always tend to think more, write more than what its needed. There's where I lose points. But I don't know if I crossed the line! I guess practice makes perfect. Hope it grows on me. Chinese? Feeling there's a little hope. Math , Science and Humanities. Just practice till your finger bends like bendy straws.
***Lastly:
Its just hard to live life the fullest when you have so many things you got to accomplish before you're able to do the things you want. Seeing a camera man with a slash round his neck rushing to somewhere else.. He isn't enjoying his work. To work is to be satified and to enjoy doing your work, devote and contribtute to your community. Life has too much sufferings. Lets stop here before it gets too deep and dark.
Labels: -I do feel a lil better now.