Yea, was feeling low at first.. Came to meet u guys up, thinking that it's sure gonna to be fun..
At first it was all right.. Till we reached our venue..
Don't know whats wrong sitting with her. Doing it once or twice is okay.. But doing it consequtively is quit far off.
Yea, though people say they like to joke, disturbed in a fun manner, I don't see how is it when its being repeated over time.
Not only her, but me. Was feeling bored, sitting at the corner. Needed some boost of energy by talking.
I approached.. Hey__ then there goes the famous word.. Shut Up la!
Okay..
Tried again..
Got the same reply
Tried 1 more
Got the same reply
Maybe I was sensitive, So tried again..
Same reply..
Ha, Aint funny.
Later on eating at Banquet, wanted to sit with one of em.. Maybe cuz I was sensitive..
::: I wann sit with him! ::: Ya, I wan sit with him also, you sit with her.
Seriously, that was the time when my mood was turned off. Yea, don't mind sharing.. But felt taken adv when someone didn't wanna sit with me but share food..
OKAY! You may say, we still sitting @ the same table right? So sensitive for what?
Ya, you can actually say nicely to me that you wanna sit with him.. But the problem is the tone, the gestures..
Jokess...
Maybe I was wrong, have a better explanation?
Well, I don't mind sitting with her, i enjoy sitting with her, and of course you guys as well. But I don't seem to be invited sitting with the both of you.
Thats why at that moment I was a lil bias against you guys than her..
Then you guys got the wrong idea of me being so nice to her? Well, remebered someone said: Wah, so nice to her then when I take you give black face (something like that).
Well, didn't wanna say anything that time, I didn't wanna embarrass you infront of people. I don't do it infront of friends, I will say jking la or smth after doing it, but I seldom.. EVEN WHEN I'M ON THE PHONE.. I talk NICELY. (It was a joke what)
Well, she joked with me, but she didn't joke until that extend.
Since that day, wasn't happy.. But still treated em as normal.. I don't like to be beaten, thrown at, or pinched: Im skinny, I'm human, I feel.
Yea, I'm sensitive in the inside.. I know, not like guy right. Guy should be tough and stuff like that.. Had a hard time coping physically, putting on and competing so that I wouldn't be looked down upon.
My truth? When I was young, doctor said that I had something in my stomach which digest foods. Resulting in a lack of protein, Calcium, everything that I ate, will partially taken..
Ya, I hate for being me, skinny people don't look pleasant at all, what they do has an impression of a girl? I wanna be FAT FAT FAT. LOL.. Ya, tried eating a lot.. doesn't help okay..
Yep2, there's plently more, I feel like a fucking alien.. But it's too personal, afraid that I'll be mocked once again.
Well, next day, wasn't pleasant at all, tried being normal, forgetting bout what happened the previous day thinking that maybe they were just high yesterday..
Same thing happened..
Third day, though it was a bit better, but was outta the topic. Went home my-self, tried to relate to the topic by playin same intrument as em.. Was hard.
Till today, still coping.. Hoping that it'll make it all better..
After reading this, please don't feel that: I shall not joke with Shawn anymore.. You see the reason why I post this today? Because on the other days I was afraid that You all might think this way.. But I doubt understanding friends would think like that.. Maybe friends who had experienced the same problem might uds too..
Well, after all these years.. don't think nice is all good and pretty from the responses I get..
Maybe I should change myself to a someone that is stronger and perhaps a lil mean to defend myself?
I can't use violence to solve problems.. So normally
I prefer to talk things out..
Fighting aint my type.. Im weak physically..
I know it.
You know it.
And that is why..
Labels: -Changes are mend every second-